Looking for Someone?
- Ravi
- Aug 17
- 15 min read
Date: September 5, 2025
Introduction: Since the time I started liking boys, it seems I’ve been looking for my partner. Since way back to my junior high days I don’t recall having too many blocks of time where I was single. It seemed that I always got along better with boys than with girls.
Scripture:
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Additional reading: I Corinthians 7:8-9 and 36 to the end
I remember every time that I was single, and I would meet someone else who is single I would think to myself, “Are you him? Are you the one?”
I believe that my first marriage happened because I was more in love with my idea of what married life would be like, than being in love with the person that I was getting married to. And when I hear about divorce statistics, I believe that I wasn’t the only one. When I rededicated my life to Jesus, I was single because the person that I wanted to marry had died in a tragic car accident. I was grieving and I felt that my life had died with him. So when I gave my life back to the Lord again (because I had given my life to Jesus as a teen but left the church due to an offense) I imagined me taking all my grief and bawling it up into a ball and handing it over to Jesus and letting him know that it was his grief because I couldn’t carry it.
After I rededicated my life, I threw myself into church life. I pressed in to make my relationship with Jesus real and personal and not just know all the details and trivia about a person name Jesus. I found out that He and I were in a relationship and not a boss /follower relationship.
The church I started attending began to offer an outdoor theater production every weekend in October. All the performances were done by volunteers. The part I played was to take care of the children of the actors. I would keep them secure at the church so actors wouldn’t need to find babysitters. I didn't meet many people at the outdoor theater because not everyone there has children. It was long hours with late nights every Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Since I don’t celebrate Halloween, because I feel the focus is more on celebrating death and I choose to celebrate life, I called my party a Harvest Party. After all the Bible says that Jesus came to give us life and life more abundant. After the last performance I asked my roommate at the time if I could have a Harvest party. I asked her because it was her house that she was letting me rent a room from. She said that it would be fine, so I invited the people that I knew who had worked at the theater production. She also invited some people that she knew. The turnout was pretty good since everyone worked together every weekend, and the party was a great success.
During the party I was chatting with someone in the kitchen and there was a fellow there that I did not know. I asked him, “Who are you and how did you get into my party?” He said, “I’m Joe. I work with Miles, and he invited me to the party.” Miles was my roommate’s boyfriend. I said, “Oh! But this isn’t Miles’ party.” Then after a short, awkward bit of time I looked around and said, “I think that there’s enough food, it’s okay if you stay.” After all, he didn’t make any moves towards the door, so it was obvious that he wasn’t going to leave without being told to leave. That would have been a party kill. I really didn’t give him much attention after that. I went about visiting everyone else at the party.
Then one Sunday, my friend Jean came up to me after church and with much excitement in her voice said, “Hey, guess what I found out”. Of course, I bit into the question and said, “What did you find out”? She said, “See that guy over there, I found out that he is single. The girl he’s been sitting with in church is not his wife. That girl is his sister.” I looked over in the direction where she was pointing and it was Joe. I hadn’t even noticed who he was sitting with in church. I said to Jean, “Oh wow! Good luck with him Jean.”
After that it seemed like Joe was everywhere with my group of friends. For example, a group of us went to a concert to see Petra. I felt like I was on a date or something. When everyone was trying to find a seat he said to me, “Let’s go check this out or let’s go check that out.” I just said, “Okay!” and we went off. It ended up that my friends found seats in the balcony, and we were standing down near the stage. I can promise you that my friends were not happy at the end of the concert. They even threatened to make me walk home. But they had mercy on me and let me ride in the van with the group.
So here I was yet again asking the question, “Is he the one?” After all I’ve been praying and fasting for my husband (whoever that would be). I would see single guys at church, and I would tell the Lord, “If that is the guy, I would take him or if that person is Your choice I would take him”. Nothing would come from those introductions. I even prayed, “Lord, if he has kids, I’ll take him.” I remember once, I guess once was enough, I prayed, “Lord, even if the potato isn’t fully cooked, I’ll take him”. Big mistake. Don’t ever offer the Lord to accept anything less than His perfect best.
It seemed like I was praying the same prayer over and over without any answer. Joe continued to be included in my group outings. I was talking with Joe, and we decided that we would be a couple and not see other people. I offered to tell him the story of my past and about the person who had died in the car accident, but he said that my past was my past, and he was only interested in the here and now moving forward.
With this I let him know the struggles I was having financially. Joe offered to speak to the place where he worked to see if they had any open positions. It was a really good place to work, and it would help me with my financial struggles. He asked for my resume, and I made sure it was up to date, and I gave it to him. I thought he was going to take it to his HR department and hand it off for me but what I didn’t know was that he put his name on it as a personal reference. He was in such good standing with his company that even during a time when they were not hiring, they gave me an interview. Then to my surprise, they hired me. That was all good for my financial situation. It was bad because all the people that I worked with were working through temporary employment agencies. At the time that was the only way to be considered for hire because the company was in a hiring freeze. Then here I am showing up as a new employee. I had to try to keep that information under wraps and I certainly could not mention that I knew him or that he had helped me get the job there. I was working the third shift. My hours were 7:00pm at night till 6:30am.
I would work my shift and then I would either go to my morning job or clean a house for someone before going home to bed. I would get up at 5:30pm and go to Joe’s house. We would do devotions and our Bible study and then I would go to work.
One morning I didn’t have to work at either my job or cleaning someone’s house, so I was able to go straight home. Again, I was praying, “Lord is he the one?” since this was a very serious and important issue to me and I was very scared of making the wrong choices I wanted to make sure I got it right. I had heard a sermon that sometimes when you’re waiting for an answer and you’re really pressing in, that you have to just sit and be still. Be quiet so you can hear what God is saying to you. Whether it be the Holy Spirit speaking to your inner man, like your gut feeling or anything audible. So, I was trying to practice that. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to just sit and be still and keep your mind still and not let it race to “what if this, what if that, could be this, could be that, all the while talking to the Lord saying, “what about this, what about that, can I have that, but I don’t want that!” type of chatter.
So here I am in bed and I’m asking the Lord, “is he the one?” and I’m trying very hard to keep my mind still and my mouth shut. Then I felt in my heart the Holy Spirit asked me a question. The question was, “will you take him?”. I thought to myself, “what is that? That definitely was not the yes or no I was expecting, for sure”. The Lord asked the prophet, "Can these bones live?" The prophet replied, "Only you know, Lord."
He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Master God, only you know that.”
So, I’m thinking to myself I don’t know how to answer this. We don’t have a lot in common, and we don’t always get along very well. But if the Lord is calling me to do something, I want to be available. I don’t want to be that person who gives God boundaries. The one that says, “I love You Lord and I’ll serve You with my whole heart” if You do this or that for me but I won’t do this nor will I do that. So, don’t ask me to go that way, and don’t ask me to go over there!” I do NOT want to be THAT Christian! I want to be the good and faithful servant who gets the words “well done” because I was willing to be available. I was willing to go where it was hard and do what was hard to be a part of God’s plan of whatever it takes.
After a little bit of time went by, I thought I would try again. I said, “Lord, is he the one?” Again, the Holy Spirit said, “Will you take him?” I thought, “Darn it! Definitely not a yes or no answer I was expecting or hoping for”. So, here I am I’m weighing the good and the bad along with the pros and the cons. All the romantic comedies I’ve ever watched are now playing through my head really fast. I’m remembering the thought process that I went through for my first marriage that turned out really bad. I did not want to do that again! But I did want to be lined up with the Lord and His will. Besides, this time here I’ve been praying and fasting, and now in my prayers I can see myself bowing before the throne. With the deepest of desires to be pleasing with the Lord and to be used as a tool to defeat the enemy.
Finally, I said what I thought the prophet would say. I said, “Lord, if he is Your best choice for me, then yes, I will take him. But, if he is not Your best choice for me, then no, I want You to close this door. And, I mean close it hard and final. Lord, You know we don’t always get along and we don’t have much in common. But, if he is Your best choice for me, I’ll take him.” All of a sudden in my heart and in my spirit, I felt a different atmosphere. It was like in the spiritual realm something had been decided on. Like, okay, that is that everybody! Begin preparing for the next level.
Let me tell you, that feeling might have been a relief in a sense that I didn’t have to ask the “is he the one” question ever again. But I was scared. Really scared! I did not know what the next level would look like, but I did know that our relationship is not warm and fuzzy. Regardless, here I am and the answer to my prayer is on the way. The Lord had spoken to my heart and told me that Joe was his best choice for me. Now I felt totally locked in. The kind of locked in where you know, deep down, there's no turning back. There is no escape. It was going to be me and Joe to the end, no matter what. I’m like okay, here we go.
I used to say, “Fasten your seatbelt and grab your Bible, because here we go”! Except this time, I wasn’t just saying something clever and catchy. This adventure was going to be my future. We've shared many days and have many stories which I look forward to sharing in the future.
Lord Jesus, I ask that You would please touch every person reading this story. Every person who’s been praying and believing and feeling that pressure in their heart that they need to be in a relationship. Or they need to be at a certain level in life or community. I pray Holy Spirit that You would give them peace. Help their heart be at rest trusting and knowing that You know what’s best and You are in control. That every single time You don’t answer a prayer, or You don’t move the mountains, it’s because there are so many moving parts in this world. That everybody affects everybody else. That nothing is about just me or any one person. Help them to know that Your answer to every prayer and every question is in the best interest of everyone involved because You are a good, good Father. A good, good God and You see things and know things that we can’t possibly know. You know the hearts of the people around us. At that job that seems so awesome and will solve all our problems, and we think, “that’s it! that’s the job” but You know the hearts of the people at that job. If those people will or will not add quality to our life. You know if the future of the person that someone is looking at is going to be the one to help advance the kingdom or the one to help protect the one praying. Just reading the news we can see that the people that we least expect of bad things are sometimes the worst of all the people in the world. You know their hearts and You know where they’re going to end up and You know if we should or should not be there. We need to trust You. Help us Lord Jesus to trust You. Help us Lord Jesus to have eyes to see and ears to hear that we could not just see the obvious but that we would be able to discern the things in life that are not seen. Help us to act right when your answer to a prayer is no. Help us to understand that in many cases your “no” isn’t a no forever, it’s just no for right now. I thank you Lord that you have a plan and a purpose and you didn’t bring his here to leave us or abandon us, you are the God who provides the provision before the need. Help us to be good and faithful children who have great and mighty faith. Bless the person reading this prayer in a really big way. In Jesus name
Further your Faith:
These verses remind us that no matter if we are married or single, God offers us hope and direction on how to be happy. By trusting in Him, we can focus on where we currently are in life and with confidence and faith.
1 Corinthians 7
The Message
To Be Married, to Be Single. . .
7 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations?
2-6 Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
7 Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.
8-9 I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.
10-11 And if you are married, stay married. This is the Master’s command, not mine. If a wife should leave her husband, she must either remain single or else come back and make things right with him. And a husband has no right to get rid of his wife.
12-14 For the rest of you who are in mixed marriages—Christian married to non-Christian—we have no explicit command from the Master. So, this is what you must do. If you are a man with a wife who is not a believer but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her. If you are a woman with a husband who is not a believer, but he wants to live with you, hold on to him. The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be left out; as it is, they also are included in the spiritual purposes of God.
15-16 On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you’ve got to let him or her go. You don’t have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can. You never know, wife: The way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you but to God. You never know, husband: The way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you but to God.
17 And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life. Don’t think I’m being harder on you than on the others. I give this same counsel in all the churches.
18-19 Were you Jewish at the time God called you? Don’t try to remove the evidence. Were you non-Jewish at the time of your call? Don’t become a Jew. Being Jewish isn’t the point. The really important thing is obeying God’s call, following his commands.
20-22 Stay where you were when God called your name. Were you a slave? Slavery is no roadblock to obeying and believing. I don’t mean you’re stuck and can’t leave. If you have a chance at freedom, go ahead and take it. I’m simply trying to point out that under your new Master you’re going to experience a marvelous freedom you would never have dreamed of. On the other hand, if you were free when Christ called you, you’ll experience a delightful “enslavement to God” you would never have dreamed of.
23-24 All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don’t, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side.
25-28 The Master did not give explicit direction regarding virgins, but as one much experienced in the mercy of the Master and loyal to him all the way, you can trust my counsel. Because of the current pressures on us from all sides, I think it would probably be best to stay just as you are. Are you married? Stay married. Are you unmarried? Don’t get married. But there’s certainly no sin in getting married, whether you’re a virgin or not. All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible.
29-31 I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don’t complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple—in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is fading away.
32-35 I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
36-38 If a man has a woman friend to whom he is loyal but never intended to marry, having decided to serve God as a “single,” and then changes his mind, deciding he should marry her, he should go ahead and marry. It’s no sin; it’s not even a “step down” from celibacy, as some say. On the other hand, if a man is comfortable in his decision for a single life in service to God and it’s entirely his own conviction and not imposed on him by others, he ought to stick with it. Marriage is spiritually and morally right and not inferior to singleness in any way, although as I indicated earlier, because of the times we live in, I do have pastoral reasons for encouraging singleness.
39-40 A wife must stay with her husband as long as he lives. If he dies, she is free to marry anyone she chooses. She will, of course, want to marry a believer and have the blessing of the Master. By now you know that I think she’ll be better off staying single. The Master, in my opinion, thinks so, too.